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How to Win Friends and Influence People

Carnegie, Dale
Pocket(October 1998) ISBN-10: 0671027034
Rating:

I first heard of How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, during an interview with a corporate headhunter when I was preparing to leave the military.  The headhunter could quickly tell that my interpersonal skills needed some polish before transitioning to corporate life and recommended this 1936 classic.  At first, the title really put me off.  To me, it might as well have been titled "How to Sell Used Cars".  However, I was determined to follow through on the advice, so I read it.  The book really impressed me simply because it was genuine.  Dale Carnegie reminded me of some very basic tenets of relationships that I already knew, but had lost touch with during my time in the military.  Most importantly, the book just got me to think a bit more before speaking; to think about how the other person would react to what I was about to say.  It really made a difference and proved invaluable on my subsequent job search.

That was in 1999.  Now, in 2007, I am about to venture into a full time MBA program and transition my career from the technical world of software development into the world of business.  You don't have to look far to find evidence that success in business has much more to do with how you build and manage your personal and professional relationships than it does with your ability to understand accounting or operations.  So, I picked up Dale Carnegie's seminal work for a second time.  It was a great refresher and has once again helped me sharpen my focus on how I interact with others.
 
Some will point out that there is nothing really spectacular in this book.  And they are right.  Carnegie generally tells people what they already know, it's just that most people never stop to think about, and realize, what they already know.  It's kind of like the old quip, "common sense isn't very common".  The entire book is broken down in three sections, and the whole volume is easily summarized in 27 bullet points:
 
Six Ways to Make People Like You

1.        Become genuinely interested in other people
2.        Smile
3.        Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4.        Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5.        Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6.        Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1.        The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2.        Show respect for the other person's opinions.  Never say, "You're wrong"
3.        If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4.        Begin in a friendly way.
5.        Get the other person's "yes, yes" immediately
6.        Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7.        Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8.        Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9.        Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires
10.        Appeal to the nobler motives
11.        Dramatize your ideas.
12.        Throw down a challenge.

Be a leader
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior.  Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1.        Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2.        Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3.        Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
4.        Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5.        Let the other person save face
6.        Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.  Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise"
7.        Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8.        Use encouragement.  Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9.        Make the other person happy about the thing you suggest.

That's really the gist of the entire book.  However, crammed into the 288 pages are a lot of anecdotes that support why those points are important and illustrate what the consequences can be when you do, or do not, observe them.  

Conclusion

Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People probably won't tell you much that you don't already know.  It shouldn't, anyway.  However, it is an easy read and is almost certain to make you more aware of how you communicate and relate to others both in your personal and professional lives.  Of course, the book can only affect you positively if you actually strive to apply the lessons that Dale Carnegie brings to you.

Read the book.  If it doesn't help you, you are either already a terrific "people person", or you are beyond help.

Rating: How to Win Friends and Influence People gets the coveted four wiener dogs.